dear leather knee high black stiletto boots

Note to Self: Remember this is why we don’t try to sort out old clothes on our own… don’t go there again. Don’t even try it like ever.

So my memory fucking sucks.  I don’t remember shit.  The things I can remember I’m able to remember by what I was wearing.  I guess thats weird whatever I don’t care.  

Your sitting next to me now.  I held you, I hugged you, I cried.  I tried to show you love and compassion.  I have so many mixed feelings about you.  I hate you for all of the bad places you took me, but at the same time I love you so much and I can’t let you go.  I know we will never be together again, because I outgrew you a while ago.  I know that is suppose to be a good thing, but at the same time it hurts so much to know will never be together again.  You were the perfect fit, we were the perfect pair.  I remember when I found you, it must have been last winter.  I had been looking for something as special as you for so long.  And as soon as I saw you I knew that you were the perfect pair.  We went so many places together.  I have so many memories with you.  At the time, you were one of the few things I truly loved.  You never let me down.  You supported me through all my hard times, literally.  You lifted me up and always got me home safely, I have to thank you for that.  You were with me during really horrible times.  You stuck with me and took me to the people, places and situations that were so reckless and destructive.  I can’t ever walk with you again, you took me places that I can’t ever go back to.  Now I’m crying again and my boyfriend doesn’t understand, I wouldn’t expect him to.  I miss you and I love you and I hate you and I don’t ever want to see you again but I can’t let you go.  I feel like I need to hold on to you.  But you can’t support me anymore and I know I need to say goodbye.  No other pair of shoes will ever replace you.  There will always be a spot in my heart for you.  

Love/Hate Always,



BPD & Fears of Abandonment

Screen Shot 2016-08-07 at 9.19.43 AMEveryone at one point or another fears that their loved ones will leave them.  But this fear is different from the fear a person with Borderline Personality Disorder experiences.  Rooted in years of family history, this fear can be extremely painful.  This core feature of BPD impacts many other symptoms of the disorder.  Feeling lonely effects borderlines close relationships, disrupts identity development and may trigger severe mood swings, self-destructive behavior and anger outbursts.

Where does the Fear of Abandonment Come From?

There are various theories as to why borderlines experience such intense fear of abandonment.

  1. 1be4e9b9aa24e7c330772230042c4712-1Childhood Experiences

The terror or loneliness often is a consequence of early experiences during childhood, which may have been confusing or contradictory.  The parent (most often the mother) may have discouraged normal separation and individuation by being too clingy, perhaps due to her own fear of abandonment.  The mother or primary caregiver may also have been too rejecting, most likely because of their own fear of closeness.  In some cases, the caregiver could have acted in both ways. 

      2. Object Relations Theory

The object relations theory, is a psychoanalytic theory, suggests that the child and caregivers consistent or inconsistent relationship shapes the way in which the child will view the world. According to this theory, ideally during early development the child experiences consistent, nurturing parenting.  During the first 2 and a half years of life, the child develops trust in the world that is predicts the trust they will have in the world and in others through out adulthood.  This theory suggests that as a child, the borderline experiences a chaotic upbringing, given inconsistent messages from the parent, the borderline is unable to form a constant, predictable sense of self and the world, compared to the ideal child parent relationship, the borderline is unable to establish healthy object constancy; or a reliable, comforting, internalized image of their world that can be used to soothe in times of stress.  Being alone may become intolerable, and hinder confidence and sense of reality.  According to the object relations theory, the child often uses transitional objects as a coping mechanism.  The transitional object is often a favored doll, blanket, stuffed animal or toy.  The child uses this as a way to feel connected to the parent.  When transitional objects don’t work, the child may seek comfort in other ways.

      3. Neurological Correlates

Certain biological peculiarities, including serotonin dysfunction, have been associated with the diagnosis.  Studies utilized PET scanning to illustrate correlations between the specific BPD criterion of abandonment anxiety and cerebral blood flow.  Findings suggest that women with BPD exhibit alterations of blood flow in areas of the brain when exposed to memories of abandonment.

Even after childhood, the extreme bonding often carries over through out the borderlines life, into other relationships and friendships.  The borderline desperately and continuously seeks a new best friend or new partner, exhibiting “an insatiate thirst of enjoying a greedily desired object,” the borderline enters each new friendship with the burden of a grand intensity that it cannot support. 

The conflicting fears and emotions are not only difficult for the borderline, but difficult for those close to them as well.  Because the borderline splits feelings into extremes of black and white, they experience others as providing satisfaction or frustration and rejection.  Engaging in a relationship with a Borderline may include need for dependency and navigating between being perceived as uncaring on one side and as trying to manipulate on the other.  It is important to acknowledge that these fears of abandonment cannot be Screen Shot 2016-08-07 at 9.27.06 AMeasily assuaged.  Despite the amount of reassurance and time spent with the individual, often times they cannot independently rid their anxieties tied to fear.  Only as the borderline understands the instability of their own needs, and after time, are able to develop and accept their individuality within healthy relationships, can they overcome these fears.  The most significant parameter to embrace when living with or loving someone with these extreme fears of abandonment is consistency.  It is best to be consistent than it is to be right.  If you can bring some predictability to the chaotic world the borderline lives in, you are beginning to participate in their growth and maturation. 

How can Screen Shot 2016-08-07 at 9.25.14 AMLoved ones and Relatives Manage the Borderlines Fears and Abandonment

1. Understand and accept the persons anxieties. For the borderline, living apart from a person may be perceived as abandonment.  For example, a husband who works late every night or a therapist who sees many patients, they may all be perceived by the borderline as abandoning.  These feelings are real, and it is crucial that they are acknowledged. 

2. Respect your own limitations. While accepting the borderline’s need for constant reassurance, it is important not to abandon your own interests entirely.  Establish compromises between each others needs and your own, and stick to them. 

3. Don’t try to play doctor. Analyzing the behaviors may be perceived as controlling and may result in anger and defensiveness. 

4. Prepare the borderline for separation. For many people with BPD the future is not seen clearly.  The hope is that what hasn’t happened yet never will.  Ignoring this will only result in more severe hurt and anger when separation does occur. 

5. Be consistent. Work for a compromise and stick to it.  Ambivalence will only result in more conflicts.

 -Kreisman, J. (2004).


Is Borderline Personality Disorder more Severe than Other Mental Disorders?

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I received a question from one of my followers, “Can you offer any insight as to why there is so much shame attached to BPD? Is it worse than other mental health issues?” I thank this follower for her request, because it gave me the idea for the post, which I believe offers insight and information that are often overlooked.

When I was in graduate school, I remember sitting in my psychopathology class and learning about BPD.  I recall my professor explaining, that many therapists avoid working with clients’ with BPD.  He explained the reason for this being, that many clinicians find it difficult to make progress with BPD clients, due to their symptoms such as instability, impulsivity, splitting, difficulty trusting others, etc. My professor provided an example of an experience he had working with a client with BPD.  He explained that the client would present anger outbursts almost every session, during which she would black out due to the extreme anger.  He reported having difficulty building rapport with his client due to her anger, which she displaced onto the therapist.  He also mentioned the inconsistency of attending sessions.  I would like to make it clear that this is not my personal opinion, but a story that was shared with me, and information given by one of my professors.ede787a3f2bcbcba00a3ae118ff4724b

Is BPD worse than other mental disorders?

There is no evidence based answer to this question.  Every case of Borderline Personality Disorder is different.  People with BPD may experience a wide range of symptoms, while others with a more mild form of the condition present less severe symptoms.  It comes down to the individual, and factors contributing to the disorder such as family, relationships, childhood, environmental factors, social factors etc. 

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Although this is not conclusive, there are factors associated with BPD that may make it seem more severe than other disorders. What we do know is that individuals with BPD frequently suffer from co-occuring mental disorders (the diagnosis often comes with additional diagnosis).  It is common for a clinician to misdiagnosed a client with BPD with the comorbid disorder, which is unfortunate because than they are unable to receive proper treatment. In order to treat BPD with co-occuring disorders the most effectively, Both BPD and the comorbid disorders must be treated.

Disorders that most commonly occur with borderline personality disorder include:

1.Mood Disorders (depression, bipolar disorder): Many people with BPD experience mood swings.  They may experience sudden, extreme shifts in mood, for example going from upbeat, happy, euphoric to angry, irritable etc.  Some individuals meet criteria for major depressive disorder as well as BPD.  The symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) include sadness and/or emptiness most of the day, nearly everyday, low energy, difficulty concentrating and making decisions, thoughts of suicide, sleep and appetite disturbance, agitation, as well as feelings of helplessness, guilt and worthlessness. BPD individuals struggle frequently struggle with establishing a sense of self, and feeling inherently bad.  The symptoms associated with both BPD and MDD overlap, and frequently lead to co-occuring diagnosis.

2. Substance Use Disorders-Individuals with BPD are often more likely to use substances. The overuse of substances, addiction, and problems with substance abuse can render a diagnosis of substance use disorder, co-occuring with BPD.

3. Post traumatic Stress Disorder-A high percentage of individuals with BPD also suffer from Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Many individuals with BPD have suffered from early childhood trauma such as sexual and or physical abuse. PTSD is triggered by traumatic experiences, and can develop at any stage of life.  The maladaptive coping skills that often occur with BPD diagnosis often develop as a way of coping with trauma.

4. Eating Disorders (most commonly bulimia)eating disorders are common in individuals with BPD. Anorexia and Bulimia primarily being the two found most commonly associated with BPD.  Childhood trauma predisposes individuals to these eating disorders, similarly to how it predisposes people to BPD.  The impulsive, self-destructive tendencies associated with BPD may make them more vulnerable to developing an eating disorder.

5. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder(ADHD) frequently co-occurs in borderline individuals affects approximately one out of four diagnosed.  Similar to BPD, ADHD symptoms include impulsivity.

6. Anxiety Disorders-Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder are also co-occuring disorders that many BPD individuals suffer with. Some may be vulnerable due to childhood trauma, chaotic environments, and conflicts.  Children raised in chaotic environments are more likely to develop anxiety disorders.

7.Other Personality Disorders-Research has indicated that many individuals diagnosed with BPD either have co-occuring other personality disorders or features of other personality disorders.

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Overall, a diagnosis of BPD often comes with other co-occuring disorders.  I believe the main reason behind this is because BPD is a complex disorder, with a wide range of symptoms, which overlap with many symptoms associated with other disorders. Symptoms associated with BPD are similar to a few disorders all wrapped into one.  So inclusion, I can not say for certainty that BPD is more severe than other disorders, but if asked my opinion given all of the co-occuring disorders that come with the diagnosis I do believe it is a disorder harder to cope with, treat and manage than most. Screen Shot 2016-07-27 at 2.19.23 PM

Why is there so much shame attached to BPD?

Given the nature of the disorder, and the features of other disorders, and co-occuring disorders that often come with a BPD diagnosis, individuals with the disorder frequently experience shame and guilt over many of these symptoms. Many other features b52480c99b31d18c6409875a68f52c47of the disorder also cause individuals with BPD to feel shame.  For example, splitting, a common phenomena that people with BPD experience, can make the individual view themselves as bad, worthless, etc.  Many individuals with BPD also have experienced trauma, many having suffered from physical and or sexual abuse, which causes them to feel shame, and sometimes even blame themselves for the abusers behaviors.  Overall, there is a lot of shame associated with the disorder because of the symptoms and criteria that come with it.  On top of that, there is the stigma placed on the disorder, which causes even more shame.


BPD is a complex disorder, extremely difficulty to manage, but overcoming the symptoms is definitely possible, and typically in most cases of BPD around the persons early 30’s
symptoms begin to lessen in severity.  Progress is possible, and it is a challenge, but many individuals suffering do get better.  It is a long journey, but it is worth it.  WIth treatment such as individual therapy, DBT, group therapy, medication management etc. BPD is manageable and there is so much potential for suffers to overcome it.

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Parental Alienation-A Type of Child Abuse..

Recent research on the effects of divorce on children has indicated that children would rather live with their parents separated, than live in a high conflict environment with their parents together. As much as we hear the statement “never stay together for the children,” it is often ignored, because of parental conflict as well as both parents personal reasons.  The effects of this on a child can be extremely detrimental.  In these situations, the child’s needs are often put aside, and they grow up in an environment that often leads to to a lifetime of psychological distress.Split In Two

What children of divorce need and want is to maintain healthy relationships with both parents.  They need to be protected from their parent’s conflicts. As I always love to quote Dr. Phil, “never involve children in adult issues.”  Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for one parent to foster the child’s rejection of the other parent.  In some cases, children may even be manipulated by one parent to hate or think badly about the other parent, despite the child’s desire to be loved and love both parents.

Parental Alienation

Parental alienation occurs when a parent is unable to separate their own marital conflicts, to recognize and focus on the child’s needs.  The parent may program the child to hold beliefs towards the other parent, in effort to undermine and interfere wit the child’s relationship with the other parent.  As a result, the child may emotionally reject one parent, and even lose the capacity to feel love for that parent.71a447b965442caf4b83d90ad1482f08

“Psychiatrist Richard Gardner developed the concept of “parental alienation syndrome” 20 years ago, defining it as, “a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child custody disputes.  Its primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification.  It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent’s indoctrinations and the child’s own contributions to the vilification of the target parent.” Children’s views of the targeted parent are almost exclusively negative, to the point that the parent is demonized as seen as evil.”

Currently, there is scholarly consensus that severe alienation is abusive to children, and is a largely overlooked form of child abuse  The severe effects of parental alienation on children have been well-documented  They include low self-esteem, self-hatred, lack of trust, depression, substance abuse and loss of the capacity to give and accept love from a parent.  Self-hatred is one ofparentalalienationaaa the most significant effects.  Children internalize the hatred targeted towards the alienated parent, and can be led to believe that the alienated parent did not love them, or want them.  Children that have suffered from parental alienation typically grow up to have conflicted or distant interpersonal relationships, and even experience these problems with their own children.  Every child has the right to maintain a non-threatening, loving relationship with both parents.  To be denied that right by one parent without justification is in itself a form of child abuse.  Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to children.  It is an emotion that is taught and learned from a parent. 

Symptoms of Parental Alienation

 by Douglas Darnall, Ph.D.

” To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children. 

1. Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, the children are angry. 

2. Telling the child “everything” about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are “just wanting to be honest” with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent’s motive is for the child to think less of the other parent. 

3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences. 

4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities. 

5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. 

6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child’s needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish. 

7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true. 

8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence. 

9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say “no”. If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you. 

10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child’s name or suggests an adoption. 

11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details. 

12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation. 

13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent’s own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent. 

14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child’s visitation. 

15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it’s “okay” to have fun with their other parent. 

16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent’s personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents. 

17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child’s mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation. 

18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders. 

19. Listening in on the children’s phone conversation they are having with the other parent. 

20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.”

read more…


BPD & Parenting

Although there is no concrete evidence indicative of the exact cause of borderline personality disorder, various theories have been supported.  Most theories are related to childhood and parenting, but overall the available evidence points to no one definitive cause of BPD. Instead, a combination of genetic, developmental, neurobiological and social factors, evidently contribute to the development of BPD.


Family studies suggest that first-degree relatives of borderlines are several times more likely to show signs of a personality disorder, especially BPD, than the general public.  It is unlikely that one gene contributes to BPD; instead, like most medical disorders, many chromosomaloci are activated or subdued, probably influenced by environmental factors, in the development of BPD.  The latest research strongly suggests that BPD may be at least partly inherited, parent and child may both experience dysfunction in cognitive and/or emotional connection.(Kreisman, 2010).

Developmental Roots; The Parent-Child Relationship

Developmental theories focus on the relationship and interactions between the child and caregiver during the first few years of life.  Between the ages 18 to 30 months, the child begins the struggle to gain autonomy, or independence.  Objects Relations Theory defines this as the Rapprochement Phase.  In the rapprochement phase, the child’s expanding world sparks the recognition that he possesses an identity separate from those around him.  Reunions with the mother and the need for her approval shape the deepening realization that she and others are separate, real people.  It is in this phase that both childselfish-parent_0[1] and mother confront conflicts that will determine future vulnerability to the development of BPD  This is a crucial time in a child’s development, and may be causative to the development of BPD later in life  Parents may be either resistant toward separation from the child, and in turn they become controlling and disrupt this significant phase of development.  On the other hands, some parents are absent during this time, and fail to provide sufficient attention to and validation for the child’s feelings and experiences.  Either extremes of the caregivers behavior, being over controlling or emotionally under involved, cant result in the child’s failure to develop a positive, stable sense of self and may lead to a constant, intense need for attachment and chronic fears of abandonment as they grown into adulthood.  Many people diagnosed with BPD have had an absent or neglectful caregiver early in life.


Major traumas which occur during the early years of life, such as parental loss, neglect, rejection, physical and/or sexual abuse significantly increase the likelihood of development BPD during adolescents/early adult years.  For example, a child raised with a neglectful caregiver, may need to learn to survive with minimum love and attention.  During adulthood self-image may be distorted and deep feelings of unworthiness may be experienced.  As children, we depend on our primary caregiver to meet our needs, and this determines how we view the world when we reach adulthood.  If a parent fails to meet the child’s needs, or there is an abusive or neglectful parent-child relationship, the child learn to view the world through this lens.  In a traumatic relationship, where the child experiences any type of abuse, they naturally blame themselves, and develop the mindset of that they are unworthy of health relationships, or are simply not good enough  Of course, not all children exposed to trauma or abuse develop BPD; nor do all adults with BPD have a history of trauma or abuse  Here is where the controversy of nature vs nurture comes into play.

Validation 101

Many people find the validation piece of DBT one of the most difficult skills to understand and apply to themselves and others.  

Shout out to my mom, who has been struggling to understand validation and has been unsuccessful in her numerous attempts to “validate my feelings,” which is okay.  She is trying hard and she is struggling (is that a dialectic? #lovedbt).

So for all of you out there who are struggling to effectively validate feelings of a loved one with borderline personality disorder I’ll break it down for ya.

What is Validation?
Validation is an extremely crucial part of DBT, and an extremely effective skill if practiced properly. You can use validation even if you don’t necessarily agree with the other person.  You don’t have to agree with the persons feelings, behaviors, thoughts etc., but you can validate them by simply acknowledging even a small part of what the person says as understandable, and that their feelings/emotions are “valid.”


“To confirm or strengthen what is relevant, true, or effective about a response, be it a thought, emotion, physical sensation, or action. Validation requires empathy (the accurate understanding of the person’s experience) but validation also includes the communication that the person’s response makes
sense.”(Marsha Linehan)

Identifying and communicating your understanding of what the other person is
saying or feeling in a CLEAR way
▲ Communicate what you understand about the situation

▲ Legitimize the “facts” or another’s responses
▲ Explain your own feelings after expressing understanding
▲ Acknowledge the situation, the other’s opinions, feelings
▲ Respect emotions, desires, reactions and goals

Why is Validation Important?
▲ Is the core of communication (along with accurate disclosure)
▲ Builds trust and slows negative reactivity
▲ Decreases anger
▲ Enhances self-respect
▲ Is the key to getting through “rough” spots in the relationship
▲ Makes both the sender and recipient feel more positive about the
▲ Makes problem solving, closeness, & other kinds of support possible

Please don’t validate us if we are invalid.  For example, when I was ano and I weighed like 80lbs and I told people I felt like I was fat they didn’t respond by saying “hmm I understand you feel fat, that must be really hard.”  If they did, they would not only be validating the invalid, but they would have also been calling me fat (as I would interpret it).  So we don’t want to be reinforcing things people say that are just totally invalid, or false.  If I say EVERYONE HATES ME, do not validate that, because that is NOT valid. 

Targets: What Should I Validate?128658-127892
▲ Feelings or emotions (e.g. “I can see you are really upset with me.”)
▲ Legitimacy in wanting something (“I know you want money to decorate
your apartment because you want it to look nice. Right now I don’t have
money to give you.”)
▲ Beliefs, opinions, or thoughts about something
▲ True values about something
▲ How difficult a task is (“I understand how difficult things are for you.”)
▲ How hard a person is trying to accomplish something (“I know you are
trying to do the best you can right now.”)
▲ Things a person does that are effective for herself or himself (“I know how
hard you are working on things and it looks like it is paying off. You are
really trying and it is helping the situation.”)
▲ Things a person does for another (“You were so helpful to your
▲ Efforts made (reinforce)

What is Invalidation?
Invalidation=perceiving/expressing verbally or non verbally that another person’s emotional experiences/reactions are rejected, ignored or judged.  Ways we may invalidate include our facial expressions, body language, verbal statements, tone of voice, etc.  The tone and manner can be invalidating even when the words we say are validating.  For example, exaggerating the word FEEEEEL may be perceived as invalidating because it communicates that the feeling is wrong, so pay attention to your tone of voice.  

Some other ways we might invalidate without realizing it include blaming, minimizing, denying someones feelings/thoughts, not being present, ignoring and discounting the persons goals.

Some roadblocks you may hit when working on validation include:Feeling/being judgmental, fear, exhaustion, self blame, holding grudges for past experiences, etc., roadblocks vary from person to person.  And that’s okay, we are all human, no one is perfect, just do the best you can with the skills you have right now.  

Other things to consider: 95% of our communication is conveyed non verbally, through our body language. When validating someone remember to pay attention to your body language, face the person, maybe lean in towards them and make eye contact to show you are present, interested and attentive.  
4dd70b4985014a5cd4444ca09e98fe94--emotional-invalidation-invalidation-quotes1) Pay attention, listen actively, use good eye contact and body posture to
communicate that you are listening non-judgmentally. Listen mindfully. Be
an active rather than a passive listener.
2) Reflect his/her feelings descriptively (non-judgmentally), let yourself
feel a little bit of what he/she is feeling, and let yourself show it (voice
tone, facial expression, posture). Say back what you are feeling.
3) Summarize her/his or your perspective descriptively. For a better
understanding, clarify, through questions, what it is that you hear, that
you understand. (Be careful not to disagree, criticize, or judge, not to
attempt to change his/her mind or goals, nor to get him/her to do
something differently). Be aware that some questions may be interpreted
as opinions or judgments.
4) Show tolerance; give the “benefit of the doubt” and put the thing you are
trying to validate into a broader context; see how the behavior is valid in
the other person’s life, given his or her^ history and experiences. Be nonjudgmental.
5) Be mindful of the other person and the relationship; stay non-judgmental;
normalize thoughts, feelings, and wants in present circumstances; if the
other’s behavior is normal, or makes sense, say so; find parts of their
experience that are normative (e.g., emotions or desires).
6) Practice willingness. In spite of how you may feel or that you have the
right answer, try to do what is effective for the moment.
7) Self-disclose your own vulnerability (this is a form of validation). If the
other person is vulnerable with you, it is very validating to be vulnerable
in return (especially concerning your relationship). Be genuine. “Me

Thats all for now, hope it helped! 

*side note*


If we could “talk” about it

***Venting no need to read, just for myself.***


If we could take about it I would tell you how I’ve been feeling.  Instead of holding it all inside I would talk to you.  Talk to you about the shame, and weakness I feel.  NOT because of the message.  Because of the feelings it brings up for me.  If we could talk about it maybe you could understand that I’ve been hurt, i’ve been broken, I’ve been taken advantage of and as hard as I try I still suffer from the shame and blame I place on myself.  Im jelous, I’m paranoid, I’m insecure.  NOT because of the message.  I can sometimes be this way because of everything I’ve been through.  As hard as I try to accept myself and to believe I’m good enough, I’m left feeling like I’m lying to myself.  There is just too much that has happened during my life to suggest otherwise.  I’ve learned that I’m not deseriving of love or compassion.  I’ve learned to feel worthless and helpless.  Yes these are MY problems.  I take responsibiity for them, and I am continously working on them.  And if we could talk about it maybe you could listen, and try to understand.  Maybe you could be reassuring and validating like I sometimes need you to be.  It hurts to be silenced.  I can’t leave words unspoken or unwritten.  

More on BPD..Educate Your Self & Loved Ones

*Trigger Warning As I’ve talked about in previous posts, expanding my knowledge on BPD and further researching the disorder has helped me gain a significant amount of insight to my mental processes, symptoms, behaviors and emotions.  Educating myself as well as my friends and family has made a tremendous difference in manning my interpersonal relationships. […]

*Trigger Warning


As I’ve talked about in previous posts, expanding my knowledge on BPD and further researching the disorder has helped me gain a significant amount of insight to my mental processes, symptoms, behaviors and emotions.  Educating myself as well as my friends and family has made a tremendous difference in manning my interpersonal relationships.  A fellow blogger asked ma few questions about BPD, and I would like to elaborate on my responses.  If you or someone you know is struggling with BPD, you may find this post helpful in gaining a better understanding of the disorder.

Question 1: What is the most effective treatment for individuals struggling with BPD?

My initial thought, and response to this question was that BPD is unique to every individual, as every individual experiences the symptoms of it in various ways.  Treatment should be tailored to meet the individuals needs and goals.  Evidently, DBT is the most effective treatment approach for Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is extremely effective for many people, but not for everyone.  In order to make progress I believe the most important factor is the therapeutic relationships, due to the nature of the disorder, making it difficult for clients to trust others (including their therapists) and fear abandonment.  When it comes to coping and make progress with BPD, it is crucial to work with a professional whom fosters an environment where the client feels safe, coFullSizeRendercomfortable and accepted by the therapist.  Perhaps the most crucial factor is working with a professional where is a mutual feeling of trust.  The therapeutic relationship plays a huge role in the client’s progress.  Often times, you may need to meet with a few therapists before you find one who feels like the right fit, and that’s okay.  

Qutestion 2: Is there anything friends and family members can do to support loved ones suffering from BPD? 


(This worked for my mom)^

One of the most difficult challenges with BPD is their unique way of thinking, that is hard

 for others to understand.  This causes problems in interpersonal relationships.  It’s a give in that unless you have BPD, you will never understand what it is truly like.  So trying to make sense of it, and trying to help a loved one takes a lot of effort, but it can be extremely helpful in the individual’s recovery.  


Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental disorder characterized by disrupted and unstable interpersonal relationships and self-image, along wit impulsive, reckless, and often self destructive behavior.


Individuals with BPD have a history of unstable interpersonal relationships.  They experience difficulty interpreting reality and viewing significant people in their lives as either flawless or extremely unfair and uncaring (a phenomenon known as “splitting).  These alternating feelings of idealization and devaluation are the hallmark feature of BPD.  Because borderline patients set up such excessive and unrealistic expectations of others, they are inevitably disappointed when others don’t meet their expectations. 

The term “borderline” was originally used by Psychologist Adolf Stern in the 1930’s to describe patients whose condition bordered somewhere between psychosis and neurosis.  It has also been used to describe the borderline states of consciousness these patients sometimes feel when they experience dissociative symptoms (feelings of detachment from oneself).


Adults with borderline personalities often have a history of significant childhood traumas such as emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse, parental neglect or loss.  Feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing that arise from these situations may be key in developing the borderline persod5dec20b-85a4-4f3a-8c80-b7592d6acdfcnality.  Another theory suggests these patients try to compensate for the care they were denied during childhood through the idealized demands they now make on themselves and others they care about as adults.  Some studies suggest that this disorder is associated with mood or impulsive control problems, other implicate malfunctioning neurotransmitters (the chemical that send messages to nerve cells).   the disorder has a genetic correlation since it occurs more commonly among first-degree relatives.


Borderline Personality Disorder typically first appears in early adulthood.  Although the disorder may occur during adolescents, it is difficult to diagnose since the borderline symptoms such as impulsive and experimental behaviors, insecurity and mood swings are common-even developmentally appropriate occurrences at this age.  Borderline symptoms may also be a result of chronic substance abuse and/or medical conditions (specifically, disorders of the central nervous system).  These should be ruled out before making the diagnosis of bpd.  BPD is typically a co-occurring disorders, and those diagnosed wit the disorder often present symptoms of or meet full criteria for disorders such as depression, generalized anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and other personality disorders.  It has also been suggested by some researchers that borderline personality disorder is not a true pathological condition in and of itself, but rather a number of overlapping personality disorder; it is, however, commonly recognized as a separate and distinct disorder b the American Psychiatric Association and by most mental health professionals.  It is diagnosed by interviewing the patient, and matching symptoms to the DSM 5 criteria.  Supplementary testing may sometimes also be necessary.


Borderlines seek psychiatric help and hospitalization at a much higher rate than people with other personality disorder, most likely due to the intense fear of abandonment they experience and their need to seek idealized interpersonal relationships.  These patients represent the highest percentage of diagnosed personality disorders (up to 60%).  Providing effective therapy for the bpd patient is necessary, but often challenging.  The therapist-patient relationship is subject to the same inappropriate and unrealistic demands that the borderline personalities place on others in interpersonal relationships.  They are chronic “treatment seekers” who become easily frustrated w47a0dbcc-144b-417e-a592-38d83009ea1eit their therapist if they feel they are not receiving adequate attention or empathy, and symptomatic anger, impassivity and self-destructive behavior can impede the therapist-client relationship.  However, their fear of abandonment, often causes clients to break their relationship with the therapist, and discontinue treatment as soon as they realize progress is being made.  Psychotherapy, typically in the form of cognitive behavioral therapy is typically first line treatment, along with medication management.  Dialectal behavior therapy (DBT), a cognitive-behavioral technique has emerged as an effective therapy for borderline personalities, especially those with suicidal tendencies.  The treatment focuses on giving the borderline patient self-confidence and  on going tools for life outside of treatment through a combination of social skills training, mood awareness and meditative exercises. as well as education on the disorder. Group therapy is also an option for some bpd patients, although some often feel threatened by the idea of “sharing” a therapist with others.  


The disorder usually peaks in young adulthood and in most cases stabilizes after age 30.  Approximately 75-80% of borderline patients attempt or threaten suicide, and between 8-10% actually commit suicide.  If the bpd patient suffers from depressive disorders, the risk of suicide is much higher.  For this reason, swift diagnoses and appropriate intervention is crucial.  Prevention recommendations are scarce,  thee disorder may be genetic and not preventable.  The only known prevention would be to ensure a safe and nurturing environment during childhood.


BPD Central, National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. 200 N. Glebe Road, Suite 1015, Arlington, VA 22203-3754. (800)950-6262. 

Lineham, Marsha, Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Linehan, Marsha. Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline personality Disorder.

Mokovitz, Richard A. Lost in the Mirror: n inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder.

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What is Love?

November 26, 2016

Whenever I felt like this, before shit hit the fan, Max was there. I thought it was love, or at the time I knew it was love. Not love like the other times I knew without doubt this is it this is love, this is how it should be and I finally found it. But I was wrong… again.

I’ve been thinking a lot about “love” just because I went from believing soul mates, true unconditional love, fairy tails etc., to believing love isn’t even real. It was a delusion. How can you go from knowing that you’ve found the one, planning your life out with them, to not even knowing if that was love, or if  the person ever loved you.. Because if they did wouldn’t you find a way to make it work, that’s what love was supposed to be.

Or maybe it’s just me. Is it true you can’t love someone until you fully love and accept yourself? Or do we learn to love and accept ourselves by experiencing love? Or is it just something that disney made up? Is love all we need, because if it is I feel like were fucked. And even if there was a chance that love does exist, how would you ever know if you found it?



**Reader descretion advised:This post contains strong personal opinions and may offend most readers.**also I do not proof read or use spell check.


Growing up in New York, currently living in Boston, and having lived in Florida for over a year I’ve been astonished and horrified by the information and events that occur in FLorida, that the news, government etc fails to share with the public. I’m not sure how Florida is considered a state, because it’s basically a free for all society where laws are completely ignored, law enforcement is incompetent, and people are just clueless.

Like really.. how many more people need to get shot in florida before rick scott decides to I don’t know, maybe like think about doing something? Side note, while I was living in florida Rick Scott was re-elected as governor of florida, yet there were no elections held, no information about voting, etc. You probably don’t believe me, I sure wouldn’t. But yeah that happened.  So Rick Scott re elected himself while I was living in Florida, and shortly after we had the  d, the deadliest terrorist attack in the United States since 9/11 and at the time the deadliest mass shooting by a single shooter in the United States (surpassed by the recent shooting in Vegas).  It is still the deadliest United States mass shooting in which the perpetrator did not commit suicide.

Yes YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT, HE WAS KNOWN TO THE FBI AND BOUGHT HIS GUN IN THE PAST FEW DAYS BEFORE THE SHOOTING. He also called 911 and pledged to ISIS before the shooting. Fun fact, the police didn’t give a fuck about that 911 call.  The police didn’t give a fuck about the shooting in general, Orlando and surrounding areas being primarily white sepremises, the police made little effort to stop the shooter.  The police actually contributed to the shooting, during the shoot off where the police and the shooter shot back and forth at each other, which the police included shooting people in between.  Why didn’t florida take the 911 call seriously, and why did they make such little effort to stop it? Because they don’t like gay people. Following the event, many  Florida residents condoned the event because of their hatred towards the gay community. FUCKED UP.

Theres so much more, just google central florida news you’ll find tons of articles about children being murdered by parents and many other horrific unimaginable things.  This is the tragic truth about florida. The few gun laws they do have are not inforced, and daily violence that occurs there is basically hidden from the public.  While living in Central Florida, I witnessed civilians pulling a young woman’s dead body out of the water while driving past a small lake.  About 15 minutes later I heard police sirens going towards the scene.  I heard gunshots almost everyday working in Orlando, and witnessed more shootings than anyone should ever have to.  I myself, called 911 on several occasions, one which the 911 operated asked me if I could DRIVE BACK TO THE LOCATION WHERE THE CRIME OCCURRED AND CHECK IF THE SUSPECT WAS STILL THERE. I swear to g-d, you can’t make this shit up. I asked if they were joking.. they weren’t. I then had to ask the dispatcher to send police to investigate the scene, since my profession is not in law enforcement.

History of School Shootings in the United States

The earliest known United States shooting to happen on school property was the Pontiac’s Rebellion school massacre on July 26, 1764, where four Lenape American Indian entered the schoolhouse near present-day Greencastle, Pennsylvania, shot and killed schoolmaster Enoch Brown, and killed nine or ten children (reports vary). Only two children survived.

• November 2, 1853 Louisville, Kentucky A student, Matthew Ward, bought a self-cocking pistol in the morning, went to school and killed Schoolmaster Mr. Butler for excessively punishing his brother the day before. Even though he shot the Schoolmaster point blank in front of his classmates, he was acquitted.

An April 30, 1866 editorial in the New York Times argued against students carrying pistols, citing “…pistols being dropped on the floor at balls or being exploded in very inconvenient ways. A boy of 12 has his pantaloons made with a pistol pocket; and this at a boarding-school filled with boys, who, we suppose, do or wish to do the same thing. We would advise parents to look into it, and learn whether shooting is to be a part of the scholastic course which may be practiced on their boys; or else we advise them to see that their own boys are properly armed with the most approved and deadly pistol, and that there may be an equal chance at least of their shooting as of being shot.”

• June 8, 1867 New York City At Public School No. 18, a 13-year-old lad brought a pistol loaded and capped, without the knowledge of his parents or school-teachers, and shot and injured a fellow classmate.

• December 22, 1868 Chattanooga, Tennessee A boy who refused to be whipped and left school, returned with his brother and a friend, the next day to seek revenge on his teacher. Not finding the teacher at the school, they continued to his house, where a gun battle rang out, leaving three dead. Only the brother survived.

• March 9, 1873 Salisbury, Maryland After school as Miss Shockley was walking with four small children, she was approached by a Mr. Hall and shot. The Schoolmaster ran out, but she was dead instantly. Hall threw himself under a train that night.

• May 24, 1879 Lancaster, New York As the carriage loaded with female students was pulling out of the school’s stables, Frank Shugart a telegraph operator shot and severely injured Mr. Carr, Superintendent of the stables.

• March 6, 1884 Boston, Massachusetts As news of Jesse James reached the east coast, young kids started to act in the same manner. An article from the New York Times reads, “Another “Jesse James” Gang – “Word was brought to the Fifth Police Station to-night that a number of boys were using the Concord-street School-house for some unknown purpose, and a posse of officers was sent to investigate. The gang scattered at the approach of the police, and in their flight on drew a revolver and fired at Officer Rowan, without effect, however. William Nangle, age 14, and Sidney Duncan, age 12, were captured, but the other five or six escaped, among them the one who who did the shooting. The boys refused to disclose the object of their meeting, but it is thought that another “Jesse James” organization has been broken up.”

• March 15, 1884 Gainsville, Georgia In the middle of the day, a group of very drunk Jackson County farmers left the Jug Tavern drinking and shooting their revolvers as they headed down the street driving people into their homes. As they approached the female academy, the girls fled the schoolyard into the school where the gang followed swearing and shooting, firing several rounds into the front door. No one was hurt.

• July 4, 1886 Charleston, South Carolina During Sunday school, Emma Connelly shot and killed John Steedley for “circulating slanderous reports” about her, even though her brother publicly whipped him a few days earlier.

• April 12, 1887 Watertown, New York Edwin Bush, a student a the Potsdam Normal School committed suicide by shooting himself in the head.

• June 12, 1887 Cleveland, Tennessee Will Guess went to the school and fatally shot Miss Irene Fann, his little sister’s teacher, for whipping her the day before.

• June 13, 1889 New Brunswick, New Jersey Charles Crawford upset over an argument with a school Trustee, went up to the window and fired a pistol into a crowded school room. The bullet lodged in the wall just above the teacher’s head.

The first known mass shooting in the U.S. where students were shot, was on April 9, 1891, when 70-year-old, James Foster fired a shotgun at a group of students in the playground of St. Mary’s Parochial School, Newburgh, New York, causing minor injuries to several of the students. The majority of attacks during this time period by students on other students or teacher, usually involved stabbing with knives, or hitting with stones.

There are very seldom reports of mass or multiple school shootings during the first three decades of the 20th Century, with the three most violent attacks on schools involving either arson or explosions.

February 26, 1902 Camargo, Illinois teacher Fletcher R. Barnett shot and killed another teacher, Eva C. Wiseman, in front of her class at a school near Camargo, Illinois. After shooting at a pupil who came to help Miss Wiseman and wounding himself in a failed suicide attempt he waited in the classroom until a group of farmers came to lynch him. He then ran out of the school building, grabbed a shotgun from one of the farmers and shot himself, before running away and leaping into a well where he finally drowned. The incident was likely sparked by Wiseman’s refusal to marry Barnett.
February 24, 1903 Inman, South Carolina Edward Foster, a 17-year-old student at Inman High school, was shot and fatally wounded by his teacher Reuben Pitts after he had jerked a rod from Pitts’ hands to resist punishment. According to the teacher, Foster struck the pistol Pitts had drawn to defend himself, thus causing its discharge. Pitts was later acquitted of murder.
October 10, 1906 Cleveland, Ohio Harry Smith shot and killed 22-year-old teacher Mary Shepard at South Euclid School after she had rejected him. Smith escaped and committed suicide in a barn near his home two hours later.
March 23, 1907 Carmi, Illinois George Nicholson shot and killed John Kurd at a schoolhouse outside of Carmi, Illinois during a school rehearsal. The motive for the shooting was Kurd making a disparaging remark about Nicholson’s daughter during her recital.
March 11, 1908 Boston, Massachusetts Elizabeth Bailey Hardee was shot to death by Sarah Chamberlain Weed at the Laurens School, a finishing school in Boston. Weed then turned the gun on herself and committed suicide.
April 15, 1908 Asheville, North Carolina Dr. C. O. Swinney shot and fatally wounded his 16-year-old daughter Nellie in a reception room at Normal and Collegiate Institute. He then committed suicide by shooting himself in the head.
February 12, 1909 San Francisco, California 10-year-old Dorothy Malakanoff was shot and killed by 49-year-old Demetri Tereaschinko as she arrived at her school in San Francisco. Tereaschinko then shot himself in a failed suicide attempt. Tereaschinko was reportedly upset that Malakanoff refused to elope with him.
January 10, 1912 Warrenville, Illinois Sylvester E. Adams shot and killed teacher Edith Smith after she rejected his advances. Adams then shot and killed himself. The incident took place in a schoolhouse about a mile outside of Warrenville after the students had been dismissed for the day.
March 27, 1919 Lodi Township, Michigan 19-year-old teacher Irma Casler was shot and killed in her classroom at Rentschler school in Lodi Township, Michigan by Robert Warner, apparently because she had rejected his advances.
April 2, 1921 Syracuse, New York Professor Holmes Beckwith shot and killed dean J. Herman Wharton in his office at Syracuse University before committing suicide.
May 18, 1927 Bath, Michigan School treasurer Andrew Kehoe, after killing his wife and destroying his house and farm, blew up the Bath Consolidated School by detonating dynamite in the basement of the school, killing 38 people, mostly children. He then pulled up to the school in his Ford car, then blew the car up, killing himself and four others. Only one shot was fired in order to detonate dynamite in the car. This was deadliest act of mass murder at a school in the United States.
February 15, 1933 Downey, California Dr. Vernon Blythe shot and killed his wife Eleanor, as well as his 8-year old son Robert at Gallatin grammar school and committed suicide after firing three more shots at his other son Vernon. His wife, who had been a teacher at the school, had filed for divorce the week before.
September 14, 1934 Gill, Massachusetts. Headmaster Elliott Speer was murdered by a shotgun blast through the window of his study at Northfield Mount Hermon School. The crime was never solved.
December 12, 1935 New York City, New York, Victor Koussow, a Russian laboratory worker at the School of Dental and Oral Surgery, shot Prof. Arthur Taylor Rowe, Prof. Paul B. Wiberg, and wounded Dr. William H. Crawford at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital, before committing suicide.
April 27, 1936 Lincoln, Nebraska, Prof. John Weller shot and wounded Prof. Harry Kurz in a corridor of the University of Nebraska, apparently because of his impending dismissal at the end of the semester. After shooting Kurz Weller tried to escape, but was surrounded by police on the campus, whereupon he killed himself with a shot in the chest.
June 4, 1936 Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Wesley Crow shot and killed his Lehigh University English instructor, C. Wesley Phy. Crow went to Phy’s office and demanded that Mr. Phy change his grade to a passing mark. Crow committed suicide after shooting Phy.
September 24, 1937 Toledo, Ohio 12-year-old Robert Snyder shot and wounded his principal, June Mapes, in her office at Arlington public school when she declined his request to call a classmate. He then fled the school grounds and shot and wounded himself.

    May 6, 1940 South Pasadena, California. After being removed as principal of South Pasadena Junior High School, Verlin Spencer shot six school officials, killing five, before attempting to commit suicide by shooting himself in the stomach.

May 23, 1940: New York City, New York Infuriated by a grievance, Matthew Gillespie, 62-year-old janitor at the junior school of the Dwight School for Girls, shot and critically wounded Mrs. Marshall Coxe, secretary of the junior school.
July 4, 1940: Valhalla, New York Angered by the refusal of his daughter, Melba, 15 years old, to leave a boarding school and return to his home, Joseph Moshell, 47, visited the school and shot and killed the girl.
September 12, 1940 Uniontown, Pennsylvania, 29-year-old teacher Carolyn Dellamea is shot to death inside her third grade classroom by 35-year-old William Kuhns. Kuhns then shot himself in the chest in a failed suicide attempt. Kuhns had reportedly been courting Dellamea for over a year but the relationship was ended when Dellamea discovered that Kuhns was already married.
October 2, 1942: New York City, New York “Erwin Goodman, 36-year-old mathematics teacher of William J. Gaynor Junior High School, was shot and killed in the school corridor by a youth…
February 23, 1943: Port Chester, NY Harry Wyman, 13-year-old, shot himself dead at the Harvey School, a boys’ preparatory school.
June 26, 1946: Brooklyn, New York A 15-year-old schoolboy who balked at turning over his pocket money to a gang of seven Negro youths was shot in the chest at 11:30 A.M. yesterday in the basement of the Public School 147 annex of the Brooklyn High School for Automotive Trades.
November 24, 1946: New York City A 13-year-old student at St. Benedict’s Parochial School, shot and fatally wounded himself while sitting in an audience watching a school play.
December 24, 1948: New York City A 14-year-old boy was wounded fatally by an accidental shot from the .22-caliber rifle of a fellow-student … the youth was shot in the head when he chanced into range where Robert Ross, 17, of Brooklyn, was shooting at a target near a lake on the school property.
March 11, 1949: New York City A 16-year-old student at Stuyvesant High School was accidentally shot in the arm by a fellow student who was ‘showing off’ with a pistol in a classroom.
November 13, 1949 Columbus, Ohio, Ohio State University freshman James Heer grabbed a .45 caliber handgun from the room of a Delta Tau Delta fraternity brother and shot and killed his fraternity brother Jack McKeown, 21, an Ohio State senior.

    July 22, 1950 New York City, New York A 16-year-old boy was shot in the wrist and abdomen at the Public School 141 dance… during an argument with a former classmate.

November 27, 1951 New York City, New York David Brooks, a 15-year-old student, was fatally shot as fellow-pupils looked on in a grade school.
April 9, 1952 New York City, New York A 15-year-old boarding-school student shot a dean rather than relinquish pin-up pictures of girls in bathing suits.
July 14, 1952 New York City, New York Bayard Peakes walked in to the offices of the American Physical Society at Columbia University and shot and killed secretary Eileen Fahey with a .22 caliber pistol. Peakes was reportedly upset that the APS had rejected a pamphlet he had written.
September 3, 1952 in Lawrenceville, Illinois After 25-year-old Georgine Lyon ended her engagement with Charles Petrach, Petrach shot and killed Lyon in a classroom at Lawrenceville High School where she worked as a librarian.
November 20, 1952 New York City, New York “Rear Admiral E. E. Herrmann, 56 years old, superintendent of the Naval Post-Graduate School, was found dead in his office with a bullet in his head. A service revolver was found by his side.
October 2, 1953 Chicago, Illinois 14-year-old Patrick Colletta was shot to death by 14-year-old Bernice Turner in a classroom of Kelly High School in Chicago. It was reported that after Turner refused to date Colletta he handed her the gun and dared her to pull the trigger, telling her that the gun was “only a toy.” A coroner’s jury later ruled that the shooting was an accident.
October 8, 1953: New York City, New York Larry Licitra, 17-year-old student at the Machine and Metal Trades High School, was shot and slightly wounded in the right shoulder in the lobby of the school while inspecting a handmade pistol owned by one of several students.
May 15, 1954 Chapel Hill, North Carolina, Putnam Davis Jr. was shot and killed during a fraternity house carnival at the Phi Delta Theta house at the University of North Carolina. William Joyner and Allen Long were shot and wounded during the exchange of gunfire in their fraternity bedroom. The incident took place after an all-night beer party. Mr. Long reported to the police that, while the three were drinking beer at 7 a.m., Davis pulled out a gun and started shooting with a gun he had obtained from the car of a former roommate.
January 11, 1955 Swarthmore, Pennsylvania After some of his dorm mates urinated on his mattress Bob Bechtel, a 20-year-old student at Swarthmore College, returned to his dorm with a shotgun and used it to shoot and kill fellow student Holmes Strozier.
April 17, 1956 New York City, New York 18-year-old Henry Smith, a student at a Bronx vocational high school, is stabbed to death by 16-year-old Randolph Lawrence, a fellow student. The stabbing was reportedly sparked over a dispute about a basketball game.
May 4, 1956 in Prince George’s County, Maryland, 15-year-old student Billy Prevatte fatally shot one teacher and injured two others at Maryland Park Junior High School in Prince George’s County after he had been reprimanded from the school.
October 20, 1956: New York City, New York A junior high school student was wounded in the forearm yesterday by another student armed with a home-made weapon at Booker T. Washington Junior High School.
October 2, 1957: New York City, New York “A 16-year old student was shot in the leg yesterday by a 15-year old classmate at a city high school.”
March 4, 1958: New York City, New York “A 17-year-old student shot a boy in the Manual Training High School.”
May 1, 1958: Massapequa, New York A 15-year-old high school freshman was shot and killed by a classmate in a washroom of the Massapequa High School.
September 24, 1959: New York City, New York Twenty-seven men and boys and an arsenal were seized in the Bronx last night as the police headed off a gang war resulting from the fatal shooting of a teenager Monday at Morris High School.

    February 2, 1960 Hartford City, Indiana Principal Leonard Redden shot and killed two teachers with a shotgun at William Reed Elementary School in Hartford City, Indiana, before fleeing into a remote forest, where he committed suicide.

June 7, 1960 Blaine, Minnesota Lester Betts, a 40-year-old mail-carrier, walked into the office of 33-year-old principal Carson Hammond and shot him to death with a 12-gauge shotgun.
April 20, 1961 Chicago, Illinois Teacher Josephine Keane, 45, is sexually assaulted and stabbed to death inside a storeroom at Lewis-Champlin elementary school in Chicago. Lee Arthur Hester, a 14-year-old student, is later convicted of the murder and sentenced to 55 years in prison.
October 17, 1961 Denver, Colorado Tennyson Beard, 14, got into an argument with William Hachmeister, 15, at Morey Junior High School. During the argument Beard pulled out a .38 caliber revolver and shot at Hachmeister, wounding him. A stray bullet also struck Deborah Faith Humphrey, 14, who died from her gunshot wound.
August 1, 1966 University of Texas Massacre Charles Whitman climbs atop the observation deck at the University of Texas-Austin, killing 16 people and wounding 31 during a 96-minute shooting rampage.
November 12, 1966 Mesa, Arizona Bob Smith, 18, took seven people hostage at Rose-Mar College of Beauty, a school for training beauticians. Smith ordered the hostages to lie down on the floor in a circle. He then proceeded to shoot them in the head with a 22-caliber pistol. Four women and a three-year-old girl died, one woman and a baby were injured but survived. Police arrested Smith after the massacre. Smith had reportedly admired Richard Speck and Charles Whitman.
January 30, 1968 Miami, Florida 16-year-old Blanche Ward shot and killed fellow student Linda Lipscomb, 16, with a .22-caliber pistol at Miami Jackson High School. According to Ward, she was threatened with a razor by Lipscomb during an argument over a fountain pen, and in the ensuing struggle the gun went off.
February 8, 1968 Orangeburg, South Carolina In the days leading up to February 8, 1968, about 200 mostly student protesters gathered on the campus of South Carolina State University, located in the city of Orangeburg, to protest the segregation of the All Star Bowling Lane. The bowling alley was owned by the late Harry K. Floyd. That night, students started a bonfire. As police attempted to put out the fire, an officer was injured by a thrown piece of banister. The police said they believed they were under attack by small weapons fire. The officers fired into the crowd, killing three young men: Samuel Hammond, Delano Middleton, and Henry Smith, and wounding twenty-seven others.
May 22, 1968 Miami, Florida Ernest Lee Grissom, a 15-year-old student at Drew Junior High School, shot and seriously wounded a teacher and a 13-year-old student after he had been reprimanded for causing a disturbance.
January 17, 1969 Los Angeles, California Two student members of the Black Panther Party, Alprentice Carter and John Huggins, were fatally shot during a student meeting inside Campbell Hall at the University of California, Los Angeles. The motive of the shooting regarded who would own the school’s African American Studies Center. The shooter, Claude Hubert, was never to be found but three other men were arrested in connection with the shooting.
November 19, 1969 Tomah, Wisconsin Principal Martin Mogensen is shot to death in his office by a 14-year-old boy armed with a 20 gauge shotgun.

The two most notable U.S. school shootings in the early 1970s were the Jackson State killings in May 1970, where police opened fire on the campus of Jackson State University and the Kent State shootings also in May 1970 where the National Guard opened fire on the campus of Kent State University.

The mid to late 1970s is considered the second most violent period in U.S. school history with a series of school shootings, most notably were;

• December 30, 1974 Olean, New York, Anthony Barbaro, a 17-year-old Regents scholar armed with a rifle and shotgun, kills three adults and wounds 11 others at his high school, which was closed for the Christmas holiday. Barbaro was reportedly a loner who kept a diary describing several “battle plans” for his attack on the school.

• June 12, 1976 California State University, Fullerton massacre, where the school’s custodian opened fire with a semi-automatic rifle in the library on the California State University, Fullerton campus killing 7, and wounding 2.

• February 22, 1978 Lansing, Michigan After being taunted for his beliefs, a 15-year-old self-proclaimed Nazi, kills one student and wounds a second with a Luger pistol.

• January 29, 1979 Grover Cleveland Elementary School Shootings, California, where a 16yr old girl opened fire with the rifle, a gift from her father, killing 2 and wounding 9.

The early 1980s saw only a few multi-victim school shootings including;

• January 20, 1983 St. Louis County, Missouri the Parkway South Middle School, eighth grader brought a blue duffel bag containing two pistols, and a murder/suicide note that outlined his intention to kill the next person heard speaking ill of his older brother Ken. He entered a study hall classroom and opened fire, hitting two fellow students. The first victim, was fatally shot in the stomach, and the second victim received a non-fatal gunshot wound to the abdomen. Then he said, “no one will ever call my brother a pussy again” then committed suicide.

According to the Center to Prevent Handgun Violence, in the United States, from September 1986 to September 1990 (four year period):

At least 71 people (65 students and 6 school employees) had been killed with guns at school.
201 were severely wounded by gun fire.
242 individuals were held hostage at gunpoint.

According to a 1987 survey conducted by the American School Health Association,” 3% of the boys reported having carried a handgun to school at least once during the school year; 1% reported carrying a handgun on a daily basis.”

The late 1980s began to see a major increase in school shootings including;

• September 4, 1985 Richmond, Virginia At the end of the second day of school from the East End Middle School a 12yr old boy shot a girl with his mother’s gun.

• October 18, 1985 Detroit, Michigan During halftime of the homecoming football game between Northwestern High School and Murray-Wright High School. A boy who was in a fight earlier that day, pulled out a shotgun and opened fire injuring six students.

• November 26, 1985 Spanaway, Washington A 14yr old girl shot two boys dead then kills herself with a .22-caliber rifle at the Spanaway Junior High School.

• December 9, 1985 Philadelphia, Pennsylvania At the Archbishop Ryan High School for Boys, a 22yr old Mental health patient took 6 students hostage with what ended up being a starter pistol. No one was hurt in the ordeal.

• December 10, 1985 Portland, Connecticut At the Portland Junior High School, the Principal was having a heated discussion with a 13-year-old male eighth-grader when he locked the boy inside an office. The student then pulled out a 9mm assault rifle and opened fire. The bullet shattered the glass door and struck the left forearm of the secretary and the glass injured the Principal. The boy fled for the 2nd floor, were he encountered the janitor, and he shot him in the head. The boy then took a seventh-grader hostage. The boy’s father and another family member came to the school and talked to him over the intercom system. After 45 minutes, he tossed the gun out a school window and was taken into custody.

• May 16, 1986 The Cokeville Elementary School hostage crisis In a ransom scheme, David and Doris Young, both in their forties, took 150 students and teachers hostage on this spring day. Their demand for $300 million dollars came to an abrupt end when Doris accidentally set off a bomb, killing herself and injuring 78 students and teachers. David wounded John Miller, a teacher who was trying to flee, then killed himself.

• March 2, 1987 Missouri an honours student Nathan Ferris, 12, killed a classmate and then himself.

• May 20, 1988 Winnetka, Illinois 30yr old Laurie Dann shot and killed one boy, and wounded five other kids, in an elementary school, then took a family hostage and shot a man before killing herself.

• September 26, 1988 Greenwood, South Carolina In the cafeteria of the Oakland Elementary School 19 year-old James William Wilson Jr., shot and killed Shequilla Bradley, 8 and wounded eight other children with a 9-round .22 caliber pistol. He went into the girls restroom to reload where he was attacked by Kat Finkbeiner, a Physical Education teacher. James shot her in the hand and mouth. He then entered 3rd grade classroom and wounded six more students.

• December 16, 1988 Virginia Beach, Virginia Nicholas Elliott, 15, opened fire with a SWD Cobray M-11 semiautomatic pistol on his teachers at the Atlantic Shores Christian School. His first shots struck teacher Karen Farley in the arm; when she went down he killed her at point blank range. Nicholas then injured Sam Marino. He turned the Cobray toward his classmates, but the gun jammed and he was quickly subdued by M. Hutchinson Matteson, a teacher, before he could fire another round.

• January 17, 1989 Cleveland School massacre of Stockton, California where 5 school children were killed and 29 wounded by a single gunman firing over 100 rounds into a schoolyard from an AK-47

From the late 1980s to the early 1990s the United States saw a sharp increase in gun and gun violence in the schools. According to a survey conducted by The Harvard School of Public Health “15% said that they had carried a handgun on their person in the past 30 days, and 4% said that they had taken a handgun to school in the past year.” a sharp increase from just five years earlier. By 1993, the United States saw some of the most violent time is school shooting incidences.

• May 1, 1992 Olivehurst, California Eric Houston, 20, killed four people and wounded 10 in an armed siege at his former high school. Prosecutors said the attack was in retribution for a failing grade.

According to the National School Safety Center, since the 1992-1993 U.S. school year there has been a significant decline in school-associated violent deaths (deaths on private or public school property for kindergarten through grade 12 and resulting from schools functions or activities):

1992–1993 (44 Homicides and 55 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
1993–1994 (42 Homicides and 51 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
1994–1995 (17 Homicides and 20 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
1995–1996 (29 Homicides and 35 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
1996–1997 (23 Homicides and 25 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
1997–1998 (35 Homicides and 40 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
1998–1999 (25 Homicides from school shootings in the U.S.)
1999–2000 (25 Homicides from school shootings in the U.S.)

According to the U.S. Department of Education, in the 1998-1999 School Year, 3,523 Students (57% High School, 33% Junior High, 10% Elementary) were expelled for bringing a firearm to school.

The late 1990s started to see a major reduction in gun related school violence, but was still plagued with multiple victim shootings including;

• October 12, 1995 Blackville, South Carolina A suspended student shot two math teachers with a .32 caliber revolver.

• November 15, 1995 Lynnville, Tennessee A seventeen-year-old boy shot and killed a student and teacher with a .22 rifle.

• February 2, 1996 Moses Lake, Washington Two students and one teacher killed, one other wounded when 14-year-old Barry Loukaitis opened fire on his algebra class.

• February 19, 1997 Bethel, Alaska Principal and one student killed, two others wounded by Evan Ramsey, 16.

• October 1, 1997 Pearl, Mississippi Two students killed and seven wounded by Luke Woodham, 16, who was also accused of killing his mother. He and his friends were said to be outcasts who worshiped Satan.

• December 1, 1997 West Paducah, Kentucky Three students killed, five wounded by Michael Carneal, 14, as they participated in a prayer circle at Heath High School.

• December 15, 1997 Stamps, Arkansas Two students wounded. Colt Todd, 14, was hiding in the woods when he shot the students as they stood in the parking lot

• March 24, 1998 Jonesboro, Arkansas Four students and one teacher killed, ten others wounded outside as Westside Middle School emptied during a false fire alarm. Mitchell Johnson, 13, and Andrew Golden, 11, shot at their classmates and teachers from the woods

• April 24, 1998 Edinboro, Pennsylvania One teacher, John Gillette, killed, two students wounded at a dance at James W. Parker Middle School. Andrew Wurst, 14, was charged.

• May 21, 1998 Springfield, Oregon Two students killed, 22 others wounded in the cafeteria at Thurston High School by 15-year-old Kip Kinkel. Kinkel had been arrested and released a day earlier for bringing a gun to school. His parents were later found dead at home

• June 15, 1998 Richmond, Virginia One teacher and one guidance counselor wounded by a 14-year-old boy in the school hallway

• April 20, 1999 Littleton, Colorado 14 students (including shooters) and one teacher killed, 27 others wounded at Columbine High School in the nation’s deadliest school shooting. Eric Harris, 18, and Dylan Klebold, 17, had plotted for a year to kill at least 500 and blow up their school. At the end of their hour-long rampage, they turned their guns on themselves.

• May 20, 1999 Conyers, Georgia Six students injured at Heritage High School by Thomas Solomon, 15, who was reportedly depressed after breaking up with his girlfriend

2000s – Present
    2000–2001 (19 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)

2001–2002 (4 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
2002–2003 (14 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
2003–2004 (29 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
2004–2005 (20 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
2005–2006 (5 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
2006–2007 (38 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
2007–2008 (3 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
2008–2009 (10 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)
2009–2010 (5 Deaths resulting from school shootings in the U.S.)

And then the country is surprised when 17 children are killed in the florida school shooting after the FBI was notified that the perpetrator was a threat, after he stated in a comment on YouTube that he was going to shoot up a school, and after pretty much everyone who knew the perpetrator said there were obvious signs that this was going to happen.  And since this is in Florida, after the gunman killed 17 kids he dropped his gun and walked with students, to blend in, fled from the scene, got a beverage at walmart, sat down at McDonald’s to have a snack within the 40 minutes it talk florida law enforcement to find the shooter.

Florida has the worst mental health system in the United States, with the highest number of Medicaid fraud.  The state enforces what they call the “baker act,” which allows anyone to call the police at any time, make any claim to indicate that someone is a threat to themselves or someone else, and the police will arrest the person and transport them to the nearest psychiatric hospital, where they are typically placed on a 48 hour hold.  Unfortunately, most people who are “baker acted” aren’t mentally ill, are not a threat to themselves or others, but simply victims of this flawed system.  Consequently, those who are in need of help, who are suffering from mental illness, and may be a threat to themselves and others are ignored while the state wastes their resources on alleged threatening people who often are reported by an ex spouse or partner seeking revenge on the other and realizes they can do so by committing them to a mental institution.

How many more children need to die before our country does something? This was the 17th worst school shooting in the history of the united states. Can we get some gun laws up in here? I literally know nothing about politics.  I don’t watch the news, I’ve never voted.  What I do know is that clearly something isn’t right with this country when there have been 74 school shootings since Sandy Hook.


Your Stories

incredible idea, I hope it will initiate change, thank you for this.

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

I have had an idea for a while now that I keep trying to push away, and it keeps coming back.  So, I’ve decided to roll it out and see where it leads.  Maybe somewhere, maybe nowhere.

I want to create a resource from the stories of grief and loss borne by so many targeted parents, your stories of love for your children, your stories about the failure of the mental health system, and your stories of the failed court system.  Your stories of pain.

I know these stories far too well, because I’ve heard these stories far too often.  While each story is unique, each story is also the same, over-and-over they replay in families, the loss of children to the pathology of a narcissistic/(borderline) parent.

I want to send your stories to the APA, to child custody evaluators, to media representatives, and to state legislators, so they can…

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